June 19, 2015

 There was a word I was trying to think of yesterday and it wouldn't come to me. I even looked back through old text messages and journal entries because I was convinced I had mentioned it somewhere before but couldn't find it. And then I typed my vague memory into Google and found it. The word is 'anhedonia' which is the inability to experience pleasure from activities that are usually enjoyable. More specifically there is motivational anhedonia, which is the trouble finding the motivation or desire to engage in an activity. That describes me to a 'T'. Sometimes it feels like my inability to get motivated to do anything, whether it is school work or partake in one of my many hobbies, is more than just a lack of motivation. That just doesn't sound like a strong enough phrase. Anhedonia gets closer though.

Today I didn't accomplish a thing, which was the plan. I woke up after about four hours of sleep, which was annoying. I then messed around on the internet for a couple hours before crawling under my desk and going back to sleep for another three hours, waking up in time to eat lunch. And then I went back to doing nothing. Again that motivation thing comes into play. I wanted to do stuff, not school stuff but fun stuff, but the motivation was lacking, so I just watched YouTube videos and clicked around the internet. I did run on the elliptical for 35 minutes, so that is a plus. I also hooked up some more speakers to my computer, which took me awhile to figure out because I couldn't get the rear ones to make sound. I have them under my desk, not behind me, but it was still annoying. I eventually got it though, so if I ever watch some with surround sound, I'm ready.

Tonight we went to the Chinese buffet for dinner. Delicious as always. I got the same old stuff and I'd do it again because I mentioned not too long ago, it was delicious. And I only got two plates of food this time, so I didn't feel completely terrible afterward.

The dogs killed a bunny tonight. More specifically, Alfie killed a bunny. She's always on the lookout when she goes outside because the bunnies come in through the holes under the fence. My mom makes noise and tries to make sure she scares all the bunnies away before she lets the dogs out but this time there was a bunny that didn't get the message and wasn't quite fast enough. It was pretty horrible. Alfie got a solid bite and tore it open but it was on the back half so it didn't die instantly, it took awhile. I don't get hunting. I'm not judging dogs because they're dogs, and I'm not judging humans who hunt, because that's their choice, but I don't get it. I have no problem never seeing a dead animal again, let alone purposefully causing that death.

I watched Furious 7 tonight. It reminded me that I had only seen parts of Fast and Furious 6, so I need to go back and watch that. As for Furious 7, I liked it. I think at one point maybe they were making fun of themselves for past movies when Paul's son throws his toy car out of the van and Paul says that cars don't fly. And they have definitely defied the laws of gravity in the past, so it would be great if they were making fun of themselves. Although it could have also just been foreshadowing because they had a couple flying cars in this movie as well. I also think they did a good job with the CGI of Paul Walker. I was also doing other things while watching the movie so I may have missed it earlier in the film but I didn't really notice it until the end, mostly because I knew the final scene was CGI. That stuff has come a long way in the last few years.