Today turned out to be the strangest and most interesting birthday I
have every experienced.
The first thing I noticed when I got into the lab this morning was a
giant loaf of something on my desk. I found out from the card that
it was from one of the second grade teachers. It turned out to be
zucchini bread, something I have never had before but I learned after
school when I finally tried a piece, that I like it. Earlier in the
year she made me a small loaf of banana bread with chocolate chips
(at least I think that is what it was). She knows her loaves.
A little while after that there was an all-call for all the teachers
and staff to go to the library. I was slightly worried that it might
involve my birthday and my heart sped up, but I also thought it was
more likely to do with the book fair, which started today in the
library. I meandered down there in a timely fashion but pretty much
everyone beat me, and as I entered the library, they all started
singing Happy Birthday. The
birthday-related thought had briefly crossed my mind but I really
wasn't expecting that and it was pretty cool.
And then I noticed something. I saw
myself standing on the other side of the library. The mystery of all
the picture taking has finally been solved. The point of it all was
so my favorite substitute could have a local sign company make me
into a life-size plywood cutout. Holy crap. All I could do was
smile in disbelief while everyone broke into laughter. It was also
pointed out to me that most of the teachers and staff had dressed up
like me. A lot of them were wearing jeans, Chucks, plaid shirts, and
hoodies or green shirts, because I'm always wearing a green hoodie.
Incredible. This was followed by a lot of picture taking, all the
while I still couldn't quite believe what was happening. We
eventually had to break it up because school was going to start so my
cutout was moved out into the hall facing the gym where all the kids
could see it while they were coming out to go to their classrooms.
My mom said while she was walking with the kindergarteners they
weren't really paying attention so she told them to say 'hi' to “me”.
They got about halfway through the 'hi' before they looked up and
became very confused.
There was supposed to be a first
grade MAP test first thing but then I got an email about a dance in
the gym involving first through fourth grade. And shortly after nine
o'clock when first grade hadn't shown up, I went to check things out.
The email hadn't been lying, there was a massive choreographed dance
happening. I stood there and watched most of it, right next to my
cutout which had been moved into the gym.
The dance was over in time for the
second grade MAP test, so I logged all the first graders out and got
the second graders set up. All of them finished without rushing
through it too fast so I don't think any of them will have to retake
it.
Right before the dance started I was
headed to the office for something and saw the librarian walking down
the hall with my cutout. She was going to put it by the computer lab
and got about to me when one of the paras came by. He was headed to
second grade, and the lab is on the way, so the librarian asked him
to take it with him. He did but first he slow danced with it for a
bit. It was pretty funny.
The cutout (which was now wearing
the kindergarten birthday hat that I had the privilege of wearing
last year) stayed in various spots outside the computer lab the rest
of the stay. Entertaining kids and catching adults off guard. Even
myself on several occasions. At one point I was leaving the lab and
caught it out of the corner of my eye and flinched ever so slightly.
I could also tell whenever someone was leaving the lounge across the
hall because they all made some sort of exclamation when they caught
sight of the cutout. It was pretty funny.
During the fourth grade MAP test
this afternoon the teacher left to go to the restroom and when she
came back she picked the cutout up and slowly moved it across the lab
windows. It took a second for the kids to notice but then they all
started cracking up. The teacher came in laughing and said now they
had their comedic relief and let them get up and stretch before going
back to the test. As they were leaving the lab the teacher had
forgotten about the cutout (even though she had put it right outside
the door) and she jumped when she saw it. She scared herself.
So today there was a lot of testing
and data entry on my spreadsheet, but most of my day revolved around
that cutout. It was great. By far it is the strangest thing that
has ever happened on my birthday, or any other day for that matter.
The cutout was so life like for being completely flat and it is just
weird seeing yourself in that way. I feel like I have a very vague
sense of what it must be like to be a twin now.
I have no idea what I'm going to do
with the thing but at least for the moment it is staying at school.
I didn't quite trust the kids under the supervision of Boys &
Girls Club so I put it in one of the kindergarten rooms for safe
storage. Who knows what will happen in the future.
For my birthday dinner, I went with
my mom and sister to the Chinese buffet that has become our new
celebration buffet. We used to do birthdays at a pizza buffet but
they went out of business so we have moved to Chinese. And it is
great. I wanted to get my money's worth and I think I did it. Not
so much in the cost of the food I was eating but in the quantity. I
ended up with three plates of fried rice, rice noodles, tater tots,
macaroni and cheese, and green beans. It was all delicious.
After dinner we went over to my
grandma's for cake, which has become a tradition along with the
buffet. We sat and talked until almost ten o'clock. The most
entertaining story of the night was about my grandpa's cousin. My
grandma said that he was a bit of an eager beaver, always chasing
girls, and his first wife was actually a prostitute. She went back
to that line of work, along with her sister, after the divorce. His
second wife was actually his younger cousin, who he got pregnant when
her parents had sent her to the farm for the summer to help out.
After that marriage he found his next wife in a magazine. And I
think there was one more wife after that. I'm kind of glad I didn't
get any of that ladies man stuff.
My only other goal for my birthday
other than the Chinese buffet, was to watch Laurel & Hardy, and
despite the late hour after my grandma's, I watched a couple shorts.
The one with the jigsaw puzzle and the one with the piano. Still
incredibly funny and a laugh out loud every time I watch them.
And now it is even later. I'm glad
tomorrow is early-release so I can take a nap when I get home. But
back to today, it was great. Definitely the most memorable
twenty-ninth birthday I will ever have. There was a preview night at
the theater years ago where several people dressed up like me but
seeing all of these adults today doing it was an entirely different
experience. I obviously still dress very predictably. It was pretty
meaningful though. And then the life-size cutout of me. Just
incredible. I was talking to my mom about it tonight to find out
when she had found out, and she said they had been planning it for
weeks. It all kind of makes up for seeing my income in the newspaper
last night. Almost. It really sucks that a job like this, where
people genuinely appreciate the work I do, can't pay a decent wage.
I really need to apply for graduate school this summer and look for a
job that does pay money. I'm almost thirty and I'm not really any
better off than I was in high school, and that was over two college
degrees ago. But today was great and I will never forget it.
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