Today went from
being an alright day to a not so great day. At the moment I'm kind
of just overwhelmed with frustration. There's no real need for that
feeling, and it's not really warranted, but it just seems like
something I need to feel right now.
I sent out another
email this morning asking for pictures for the yearbook and
throughout the day I got a flood of them. I got them all uploaded
and now it is up to the mom I'm working with to organize them in the
yearbook.
I spent a lot of
time deleting old emails because I had nothing better to do but
eventually I had second grade reading groups and then classes in the
lab. This afternoon I went and talked with the principal for awhile,
mostly about random things but also figuring out the MAP schedule.
With the belief that state assessments were canceled, we decided to
start MAP testing next week, which allow us plenty of time to get
them done by May 9th when that window closes. So I made a
new sign-up sheet reflecting those date changes and posted it outside
the lab.
It was an
early-release day and right before leaving I finished up that sign-up
sheet and ripped a couple CDs for one of the second grade teachers.
I ended up being there about a half hour after school was out but
that was still two hours earlier than usual.
When I got home I
took some Ibuprofen and then laid down for a nap. I had a headache
all day and that combo seemed to help.
And then, within
thirty minutes of waking up, all the frustration hit. I got a text
from the principal saying that state assessments were un-canceled and
I got a not-bill from my insurance showing all of my hospital
expenses for the lithotripsy. Before insurance, one of the charges
was for over $18,500 and I thought that had to be a mistake. That is
a ridiculous amount. I called the urologist office and they could
only see what they had billed me, not the hospital. So I called the
hospital and talked to someone in billing. They are going to send me
an itemized list so I can see what all the charges are for, but it
turns out it wasn't a misprint. The actual lithotripsy operation
cost over $18,500. What the fuck. That's absurd. For less than an
hours work, the urologist got over $1200, and the use of that fancy
machine cost over $18,500. I'm assuming it is a very expensive
machine and the burden of that cost is placed on the patient, which I
think is ridiculous. When you got into a fast food restaurant, the
price of your grill isn't built into the price of your burger. Or
the price of the soda machine when you buy a drink. The equipment is
considered a sunk cost, just the price of starting a business. I
think the same should go for hospital equipment. I am still
struggling with wrapping my head around $18,500 for such a small
amount of time. It just doesn't make any sense. Thankfully I have
insurance because combined with all the other charges, it would have
cost me a year and a half to earn the money to pay for everything,
and that isn't just saving money, that would be every penny going to
pay for it. So “luckily” I only have to pay about ten percent of
the total cost. Which is still about a quarter of my yearly income.
I need a real job.
And speaking of my
job, after our school district decided to suspend the taking of state
assessments because the whole thing is broken, we were basically
threatened with the potential loss of $2 million in funding, so we
are starting the test again tomorrow morning. What kind of bullshit
is that. That's like knowing you are an awful human being and
threatening to beat people up if they won't be friends with you. We
are now in an abusive relationship with the state of Kansas. Or
whoever it is that made this decision. Probably the same person or
group of people that green-lit this new test to begin with, doubling
down because they don't know when to call it quits. They obviously
haven't had firsthand experience with all the issues schools are
having. Teachers are frustrated because it is completely broken and
a waste of time. Kids already hate testing and a broken test just
makes it work. Rather than actually focusing on the test they're
waiting for the next error message to pop up or waiting to see if the
test will ever actually load. The majority of kids actually do put
effort into tests but at this point even they know this test is a
joke. And it is a joke, a completely pointless joke. And we're
going to roll from this right into MAP testing, which will probably
be seen as guilty by association. Kids are going to be so tired of
testing at that point that I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they
just phoned it in.
Adding to my
frustration, I shredded the test tickets for the tests we were trying
to complete yesterday. The principal told me to, and it made sense
to, but part of me thought maybe I should wait. And that part gets
to me. So not only will the principal have to print off new tickets,
I'll need to divide them back into classes, then into seating chart
order, while separating out the kids who test outside the lab. I
also have no idea which kids finished one or both tests. There were
so many crashes and during the sixth grade test we all basically said
'fuck it' and were waiting for the tests to crash so I could shut
them down. Hopefully the website will be working and will show the
principal who has finished.
The only possible
light at the end of this dark tunnel, is that we only have to try a
test twice. If a test encounters an error two times, we can stop
trying. I'm assuming this is on a kid-by-kid basis, not just twice
for any test in a testing session. I guess we have to fill out a
form or something when this happens but I'm game to fill out a whole
bunch of those if it means we can finally put this test out of our
misery. I can only hope things go as horribly as they did yesterday.
The first class testing is fifth grade and their teacher and I made
a funny joke (at the time) that instead of doing Type To Learn 4
today they were actually going to try taking the assessment again.
Now we are going to look like the boy who cried wolf.
Yet
another frustration is that I spent a decent amount of time making
the new MAP sign-up sheet and now we're going back to the old one.
Which is going to force us to cram a lot of testing into a small
space. And now I'll need to make new lab schedules to reflect the
updating assessment testing schedule. So much effort for something
that doesn't even deserve a fleeting thought.
Our
education system really needs to reevaluate its priorities. Maybe
try letting teachers teach kids instead of testing them all the time,
see how that novel idea works out.
Tonight,
I was just in a funk. Pretty much overwhelmed by frustration. Maybe
I just need a hug. It's been awhile but I remember those being
comforting. But that's not really an option so I just kind of zoned
out. I watched parts of old episodes of Silent Library,
including the original Japanese show, because I thought laughing it
would help. It did, a little. Then I put on some music and added
several inches to my scarf. Before transitioning over to playing my
guitar for awhile. I should have practiced piano but I couldn't
bring myself to do it. I wanted to zone out, not try and memorize
stuff.
Regardless
of what happens tomorrow, it is going to be a long day. If the test
is working, four classes will be testing. And if the test doesn't
work, I'm going to have to deal with all of the not working stuff.
I'm over it, the teachers are over, the kids are over it.
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