Another typical Sunday. I watched YouTube videos and some DVRed
stuff, played a little Battlefield 4,
did laundry, played guitar, and some other stuff.
From reading Mr.
Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore I
was curious about the programming language Ruby so I went to Hastings
to see if they had a book. On the way I stopped at my sister's to
help her husband carry a giant fish tank into the house. It still
had several inches of water in it so that was kind of a bitch, with
stairs thrown in for good measure. I immediately wished I hadn't
done so many pushups right before. But we managed it. At Hastings,
I was not in the least surprised that they didn't have the book I was
looking for. The books went from Python to SQL. No love for Ruby.
I ended up ordering the book on Amazon so it should be here by
Wednesday.
I checked out a few shows today that
looked interesting when I saw commercials for them but hadn't gotten
around to checking out. Those being: Brooklyn Nine-Nine,
Enlisted, and Chozen.
And that is how I would rank them in order of quality. I really
want to like Chozen
because I like Bobby Moynihan but
it just doesn't seem like something I can get into. Enlisted
was good, not great, and it made
me want to see more than the three episodes so far. I was surprised
by how good Brooklyn Nine-Nine
was. Also not great, but I was impressed. It has such a diverse
cast of characters and somehow they manage to make it work. I like
it.
Once again I was hit with the
realization today that I can't bring myself to do anything that would
advance my life. In any aspect of my life. I can't apply to
graduate school even though I know that is what I want to do. I
can't make new friends even though I want people to hang out with,
people that are interested in the things I'm interested in. I have a
few friends now, and we share interests, but they are all so
different from me. I think really I just need friends that I can
play video games with or talk about geeky things with. Or just hang
out with to get me out of the house. Along the same lines, I can't
talk to girls even though I know I want a girlfriend and eventually a
wife and a family. I really enjoy my job at the school. For the
first time ever I actually feel needed at a job and that I provide a
valued service. But it is a job that pays crap. I have two college
degrees and two jobs that don't require a college degree and pay just
over minimum wage. My idea of feeling like an adult involves a job
that actually pays money. And requires a college degree. Mainly
because I spent five years getting a couple of them. So I need to go
to graduate school so I can become a librarian, I need to make
friends so I have people to hang out with, I need to talk to girls so
I can increase my odds of finding a girlfriend, and I need to get a
job (with that graduate degree hopefully) that I enjoy and pays
grown-up money. All of these things, minus the job maybe, are fairly
easy things to do. It doesn't take much to apply to graduate school,
or talk to people, but I just can't do it. I will stare a wall for
hours rather than making proactive moves toward the future that I
desire. I don't really understand it. I spend so much time in my
head but I still can't figure it out. It's like my feet are glued to
the ground. I'm so tired of it. I want to move forward and I just
can't. I know what needs to be done but I don't know what to do.
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