June 2, 2016

 This morning I woke up, got ready, and headed over to my friend's mom's house to pick up my friend and his mom for the funeral. When we got to the church there was a line out the door but there were still spots in the parking lot so that good. We got in line behind the dad of two kids from Scouts so we talked to him as we waited.

The church was pretty big and it was pretty much filled by the time we sat down. And people kept coming. In the end there were people standing along the sides, sitting on chairs in the lobby, and I think in a smaller chapel in the church. All those people made the whole thing that much more depressing. He had an impact on so many people's lives but he still felt his only option was taking his own life. I don't understand it, and I am thankful for that, because I am glad I have never experienced that level of depression and hopelessness. Those feelings have got to be all-consuming and overwhelming for suicide to be a realistic option and I hope I never come anywhere close to that. When I found out about his death I sent my two oldest friends a message with a new rule that said that regardless of how much girls/work/life or whatever else sucks, suicide isn't even on the table. I realize that when clinical depression and actual mental illnesses are involved it isn't as easy as just saying that, but I just wanted to put it out there, kind of broach the often unspoken topic of conversation, so maybe if it does ever come up in the future it will hopefully be easier to bring up. I don't want my friends silently dealing with stuff, thinking that no one is interested in their problems. They both agreed on the no-suicide rule.

The funeral service was nice and I think handled well considering the manner in which he died. From what it sounded like it had been a hard year for him. The minister did a really good job adding in bits about people not being alone and that there are friends and family (and religion) there to help if things become too much to handle on ones own. I liked that and hopefully someone in the audience will take that to heart in the future if they find themselves in a similar situation. The saddest parts of the service were his sister reading a message she had written, as if she were talking to him, and then her husband talking about how our friend had been there for the family when his sister's son had been sick in the hospital and how he had kept everyone's spirits up, including the kids. It's just so tragic.

After the service we went out to the parking lot and stood around and talked with several different people including some old friends from Scouts and one of our old Scout leaders. Sadly I usually only run into these people at funerals.

It was around eleven o'clock when we left and I ended up going to lunch with my friend and his mom. I had a falafel sandwich for the first time and it was also probably the last time because I didn't really like it. I wouldn't be against trying it at a different establishment because I don't think I had the best representation of falafel. The sandwich consisted of a pita with a hunk of lettuce, three small discs of over-fried falafel, and maybe ranch dressing. It was interesting but I probably should have just gone with a salad.

When I got home I didn't really do much. I ordered a few notebooks for my Florida trip. We have to write a journal while we're there and turn it in at the end of the trip and I thought handing over a 100-page notebook with no more than ten pages written in it sounded a little ridiculous. I found some that were only thirty-pages and also smaller in dimensions (about seven inches by ten inches), so it will be easier to carry around. They are also fountain pen friendly.

I also read a chapter or two in my class book. This weekend I need to knock out some stuff for my capstone because I have been kind of neglecting that and as I have stated before, I am really going to regret that in the coming weeks when I'm bogged down with work and the practicum. I'm having a hard time focusing and I think part of that is that everything still exists in this obscure digital world and it is easy to avoid. I think I'm going to try writing To-Do lists for my classes so I can have a physical thing that I can look at and get a better idea of what I need to do in one place, not spread out on different webpages. It sounds like a good idea, I just need to do it.

My sister came over for dinner tonight and she and my mom had cheeseburger pizza while I had my Chipotle leftovers. After dinner I showed them all the shoes I have been looking at for possible Florida shoes. I need something comfortable enough to get me through three full days of a convention and ones that will work with business casual attire. We looked through all of my ideas and then my mom suggested going to DSW's site so we looked through there and I found several more that I really liked, mostly one particular brand. My sister looked them up and saw there was a store in the mall that doesn't necessarily have the shoes I like but at least has the brand, so I'm going to check that out tomorrow.

After that my sister and I put together a bench for my mom. It only required eight screws, which made it way easier to put together than the grill/smoker I put together on Monday. I was already tired and putting the bench together only made that tiredness more apparent, so I didn't accomplish anything of significance with the rest of my night.

Tomorrow morning I have a meeting with my practicum supervisor that will hopefully involve coming up with a more solid schedule for the next couple of months. I think we would both feel better about getting a better idea of what is to come, especially with things really starting to pick up for me next week with the new job.

Now it is bed time.