November 15, 2015

 Well, I worked on my research paper today. Despite working on it all day, or at least it being my main focus all day, I only made it about halfway. That is a little disappointing. I am still interested by my chosen topic but I hate writing research papers. I hated them as an undergraduate and my feelings have not changed. I can't even put into words how much I hate them because I don't know that the words exist. And this attitude only adds to the struggle I go through every time I have to write a research paper. The act of writing isn't really that difficult. It requires a lot of cognitive wandering but it's a fairly basic activity. Overcoming my hatred and the mental walls I create is something I deal with every single time, without fail. It is overwhelming, exhausting, annoying, frustrating, stressful, and any number of other words in the same realm. I am completely drained by it and I always drag the process out much longer than it needs to be, which only serves to prolong the agony. The only upside at the moment is that the paper is due on Wednesday so I only have a few more days to go.

Thanks to the paper due date being extended I am dropping further behind in my reading for my other class. I didn't read anything from last week and I haven't read for the coming week either. The only positive at the moment is that we didn't have a discussion post last week and we don't have this week either because we have our second face-to-face meeting next weekend. I will have to catch up on all of this reading at some point in the near future, preferably before class, but that's a lot of reading so we'll see.

It is now almost one o'clock in the morning so I'm going to go to bed. I could pull an all-nighter and finish my paper but I'll leave that for Tuesday night if I don't manage to finish it before than. My hope is that I'm not too busy tomorrow at work and that I can focus long enough to make a decent contribution to my paper. It would be really nice if that would happen because it is so difficult to find the motivation to work on school stuff after working all day. Especially when I get five hours of sleep the night before. So I'm going to go to bed now.