March 14, 2014

Today was Pi Day, and I had no pie. But I did wake up at 4:30AM this morning so I could get ready and get to the hospital by 5:30AM. My mom drove me and she tried to give me crap for my outfit (pajama pants, crappy skater shoes, a t-shirt, and an old hoodie) and I informed her that I was going to the hospital for surgery, not going to Wal-Mart.

I thought it was a bit ridiculous that I needed to be there two hours early but it ended up working out pretty well. I answered a bunch of questions, changed into my drafty gown, got an IV, went for an X-Ray, answered more questions, waited a few minutes here and there, got the doctor's initials on my left leg just as a final indication of which side we were working with, answered more questions and then went to the OR.

Before being knocked out by the anesthesia my bed was raised up and I moved myself over to this hammock-like thing. I had the version of lithotripsy that takes place in water (I am told) so I'm assuming that hammock thing kept me suspended in the water.

Under anesthesia you have no sense of time but the procedure took about forty-five minutes and they said it was successful. There was a chance that the doctor would have to go in to put dye or leave a stent. The nurse I had when I woke up told me they hadn't had to do that but later on when I got my appointment card my first nurse said the appointment would include stent removal, and indicated that on my card. I am hoping the first version was correct because they remove the stent when you're awake and that sounds uncomfortable. Anyway, I remember everything in the OR up until I fell asleep and my first memory coming out of anesthesia was feeling a little groggy but looking up at the florescent light which had a cover over it that looked like blue sky and clouds. It obviously wasn't real but when I mentioned it I think the nurse thought I thought it was real because she mentioned how we were on the second floor of a four-floor building.

The requirements for me to go home were to drink, pee, and eat. I almost immediately had to pee and the nurse gave me a jug which I positioned under my blankets even though I knew it was pointless. I get stage fright in public bathrooms so there was no way I was going to go while in a bed with a flimsy curtain around it located in a much larger space, with women talking just on the other side of the curtain. Just to try it out she helped me sit up on the edge of the bed but that obviously wasn't going to work either. They ended up taking me back to my room and then walking me to a bathroom where I could have some privacy. And I started peeing almost immediately. I hadn't had anything to drink since the night before but they had pumped me full of fluids and for a little while at least it felt like I was never going to stop peeing. But I did because that is a thing that happens in the real world and ended up back in my room. After being told things and shown instructions, taking another bathroom break, having my IV removed, and getting dressed, I was wheelchaired out to my mom's car.

The best part of the whole thing was probably the fact that there were several hot nurses. Even though most of them probably saw at least my butt at some point because those gowns are very drafty. I need to find a hot nurse girlfriend. There are some nice student interns at school but girls in Education seem to always be married or in a serious relationship. I know nothing about the typical relationship status of nurses so I can pretend they are often single and that I have a better chance. Even though I don't because I don't talk to girls. The worst part of the whole thing was the tape removal from around my IV. I'm a dude so I have hair on my arms and each piece of tape was full-on stuck to a hairy place on my arm.

When I got home I made a bunch of toast because the jello cup I had at the hospital wasn't doing anything for me, and I wanted to take a pain pill and I wasn't going to trust that on an empty stomach. Then I spent the afternoon lounging on my bed, napping, and watching YouTube videos.

For dinner I had IHOP because that is what I had after my knee surgery and it sounded amazing. I ended up getting a kid's cheese omelet (because I figured it was small and it was the only omelet that didn't come with a bunch of stuff that I would just be asking them to take off), the biggest mozzarella sticks I have ever seen, and french toast. It was all so good, even though I took most of the cheese off the omelet and could only eat one and a half of the mozzarella sticks. From Monday to today (Friday) I lost almost ten pounds, and I think tonight's dinner did a pretty good job of making up for that. I could stand to lose some weight and get in better shape but I don't really need to lose the weight like someone with an eating disorder.

My throat was actually feeling better after the hospital, despite the breathing tube they put in while I was knocked out, but it has been getting progressively more annoying as the day has gone on. I'm pretty sure it is going to interfere with my sleep tonight. That sucks. Dealing with my kidney should be enough of a thing at one time. But I guess not.

Now I am going to take another pill because I am feeling achy and then I might just lay here and listen to music. I have the hardcore pills I got earlier in the week but I think I will take one of the less powerful Hyrodcodone I got today because they don't make me feel nauseous. I don't plan on moving around so nausea shouldn't be a problem but I'll save the big stuff for when I have big pain.